"GOTTA BE PRETTY DEADLY" - Princess Floralinda and the Forty-Flight Tower by Tamsyn Muir
The paper bag princess for girls who grew up and like their princesses to do more stabbing and less rhyming, but still healthily lament the ineptitude of Princes coming to the rescue on the whole.
Princess Floralinda and the Forty-Flight Tower by Tamsyn Muir | 216 pp. | Subterranean Press — Listened to as an audiobook
It’s a classic tale. Which steals Princess, princess is deposited in tower. Princes are supposed to come and slay beasts and extract princess for marrying etc. But what if your witch is an overachiever and a bit of a maverick and puts the most dangerous beast on the first level. (It’s like a boss fight while you’re still learning what the buttons do… and it goes about as well.) Left with some princess-provisions like an embroidery to do for entertainment, an everlasting orange, some regenerative bread, and two flasks of always cold milk and cream with literally no other options, she’s going down swinging. Not alone though, a wounded foul-tempered but scientifically gifted fairy, shows up in time for 39 floors of mythical monsters and happy accidents.
Overall, would I recommend this book: Yep.
General Vibes:
Everyone seems to get a pretty raw deal out of this situation with the witch, except I guess whoever supplies monsters to towering multi-level gauntlets. In summary: The Only Way Out Is Through
Major Themes/It’s More Or Less About:
Princess gets stolen and put in tower as prince bait. Tower does excellent job dispatching princes. Princes decide to abandon the challenge for easier quarry. Matters must be taken into ones own Princess-y hands.
Relationships:
The Princess is not particularly interested in any of the Princes on their face nor in being anywhere but out of the tower. A gender non-conforming fairy arrives at some point and discussions ensue over how to even know if you love someone or not and what it feels like. The genders of everyone don’t really play into it. For all intents and purposes everyone seems Pan except the Princes (and they literally don’t matter at all.)
If This Book Wasn’t A Book It Would Be:
A poster in my teenage bedroom of an all girl metal band that did Iron Maiden covers and wrote songs about dragons and spiders and skinning rats too make cute outfits or a really great episode of Adventure Time.
Who Would I Recommend This To:
Anyone who likes twisted/adapted fairy take re-tellings like the Lunar Chronicles.
Would I Read It Again:
Yes, I feel like I missed some stuff and it was both kinda funny and kinda short so that’s a good recipe for reading it again.
If I Was Going To Cast This Books Characters In A Movie/TV Adaptation:
Florialinda: Grace Van Dien
Cobweb: Quintessa Swindell
All of the 24 Princes: "Pretty Deadly” in different outfits the WWE Wrestling duo, in different outfits (which gave me the name for this review.)
Did I Cry:
No, but it wasn’t really set up to make you feel that kind of way. It was more of a laugh to yourself kind of book.
Did I Groan:
No, but I did want some of these people to do better with some of their choices, but they were growing and doing better so, they needed to mess up to make things interesting.
Women In This Book:
The main character is a woman, and at one point after the fairy who is non-binary/genderless concedes that Floralinda can pick a gender for them, also is a girl for a while (but they admit they aren’t committed too it and don’t intend to stick to it, it’s mostly about sewing clothes, and Floralinda doesn’t want to make pants.) It’s kind of pointing out some gender absurdity as well as highlighting the non-binary nature too as sometimes the main character says she should have made them a boy, and the fairy reiterates they aren’t either, but don’t care. I liked that the strength and fighting are realistic for her stature and build. She isn’t suddenly able to fight like a beast because the story would be easier that way. Infection also exists. Our main charachter also has complex feelings and traits, is both nice and nasty, kind and unkind, strong and weak, good and bad. A whole complex person. Who knew!?
Queers In This Book/Bury Your Gays:
There are queers. They make it.
Gender’s Represented:
Cis-Women. Genderless/nonconforming. Princes we are to assume are cis-men.
Ages Represented:
Early 20s protagonist. Young-ish for fairies fairy (???) what even is the metric for that? and I guess an older witch briefly.
How Did I Get It:
Library.
Would I Buy It/Do I Regret Buying It:
I might, probably used, if I saw it somewhere.
Best Line:
“It's also not fair at all that stupidity has gotten you this far.” Cobweb lamenting that it’s discouraging to be saddled with the cost of intelligence when accidents and bumbling through things has worked as well. Haven’t we all been there….